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[06 Feb 2008|12:12pm] |
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i am a chronic texter. a chronic texter that overly analyzes most everything and i've come to the conclusion that i chronically text, even in the company of friends or people, because i feel mostly alone if the situation is 'chill' and sometimes a wireless connection is far more engaging and distracting from my own thoughts. i am completely uncomfortable in my own skin a lot of the time and boredom leads to thinking and although i've become an incredibly logical person as far as working things out goes, i still cannot find the exact problem, much less the solution to it and a non-biased third party perspective is much needed. friends can be too nice and tell you what you want to hear, this is not necessarily the truth. i want the truth.
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[02 Feb 2008|11:47pm] |
i was going to do a survey but realized my answer to one of the questions would be completely obvious even though i think my top eight is invisible. nonetheless, three of out the eight are friends (two of which are females) and the rest are family so... obvious answer makes answering said question less fun.
all rants and ramblings aside, i've come to the sad conclusion that i will never ever be entirely happy or content and that nobody will ever completely understand me. i haven't settled how i feel with this, i am tired enough for it to make me cry but i think instead i will watch a pelicula and crash.
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| j.p.p. is a weirdo |
[18 Jan 2008|12:21am] |
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most memorable quote of the week even though, technically, i did not remember it because i read it in my sleep: fuck that, i'm a cuddling machine
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| no work on friday, suh-weet. |
[10 Jan 2008|11:10pm] |
i am very aware of even the less obvious faults i have and on daily basis attempt to fix said flaws and to change a lot of things about myself, the way i think or the way i do things or whatever it may be and though i am aware of a lot, i do not understand and cannot figure out why i think a certain way or why on some days i am doomed to feel a certain way or why i want the attention of somebody i will (probably) never reciprocate in the same way and hearing phrases said in the past tense makes me a little bit sad though months ago it did the opposite and made me infuriated. i am fucked up, for sure, and i know this. any advice to fix this is totally welcomed.
i am going to see big bad jaws tomorrow and some other fun creatures with somebody, who as of late, hasn't really been my friend and vice versa. it will be an interesting day to say the least, hopefully all good! i don't doubt it will be. the only downer thus far is i cannot find a backpack. i own a million things but after high school, for some reason all backpacks disappeared.
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| i'm a big kid now. |
[09 Jan 2008|12:23am] |
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by summer, i hope to be moved out into my own apartment with 2 roommates. now i will obsessively plan every detail and figure out what i need to buy and how much i need to save for this to happen. no drunken parties at my place though, milo is likely to rip some lush's arm off with his teeth.
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[07 Jan 2008|10:10pm] |
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i am exhausted far too often and in turn, it makes me overly emotional. the slightest thing can make me feel awful and i have a tendency to cry over things i otherwise wouldn't. tonight might be one of those nights.
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| peace out 2007, one year i want a real new year's kiss. |
[01 Jan 2008|05:54pm] |
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icebox cover, there for tomorrow |
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status: lauren "rung in the new year slightly tipsy".
it's only a day into 2008 and so far this is my favorite picture. the fact that my cupcake eating technique was scrutinized is laughable, otherwise i would not have ended up with a hot pink tongue. there's are a lot of attractive pictures from last night and i use the word attractive LOOSELY because alcohol even in small portions does something to your face or at least my own and almost instantly do i become sleepy. i think it's safe to say i am a total lightweight but the taste of liquor isn't that appealing anyway. so, i am stoked to make this year much better than the last. some days are stressful and tiring and altogether draining of my emotions but i am determined to stick to the seven resolutions i made two days ago, that's i can remember them all. and it's strange to say, i mean this in the least slutty way possible: it's nice to wake up in somebody else's bed.
( ringing in the new year )
ps. i am getting tattooed this week! probably!
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| you're an idiot, just fyi. |
[30 Dec 2007|12:36am] |
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i am hoping all of the kind things i did in 2007 will rack up good karma for 2008. i didn't really do it for the selfish reason that it could better my future as far as luck and karma and all of that go but because i'm just a really nice person (most of the time.) i am thinking my new year's resolution should be to toughen up my skin, metaphorically of course. i'm too fragile for my own good sometimes. i do too much for people that don't particularly deserve it and that will most likely be my downfall.
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| it's florida and it's freezing. |
[17 Dec 2007|11:15pm] |
i know i am growing up when the exciting thing about christmas time becomes shopping for gifts for others. i am unbelievably stoked for the unwrapping and intrigued by the fact presents from my parents are "creative" since they did not get a legit list. even though, i totally made one to appease my father. there is always something i want but i have to come to realize i really do not need it. the only thing i really need to work on in that category is to slow down when it comes to shopping because i have no impulse control and can spend too long in one store which is fatal to my bank account/credit card. i keep going unless there is someone with me to tell me to stop.
there are a handful of things i am stoked for beyond christmas. trip to disney with my girls, maybe visiting colorado, getting inked, maybe getting inked with my baby brother, keeping a legit new years resolution. workin on my fitness! for real, because i am uncomfortable in my own skin and there's no bad thing about toning down. i am not that big. and secondly, watching JDMA makes me want to model. i want to do a lot of things, i might as well just entitle it "TAKE OVER THE WORLD". it's almost midnight and 6am will come quick. drinking rockstar all day was not a good idea.
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| i look like a skeleton when i smile with my teeth. |
[25 Nov 2007|08:13pm] |
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saturday night fever |
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four days ago i bought seventeen magazine to dull some senses on my 5 hour flight to texas and found wet seal jewelry sporadically placed through it's pages. i even had chocomilk with "seal" in the brand. i thought it was a strange coincidence that i can never really get away from work. and my whole outfits from top to bottom, inside and out seemingly only consist of ws wear now. it's good to be home!i hate florida but i am happy to be home.
today was strange. i crushed my finger at work but that's nothing new, i collect cuts and bruises on a daily basis and half of the time i don't remember injuring myself in the first place. life happens. my throat has been sore all day, my gums are swollen and milo tried to eat an unused tampon. he is all up in my luggage which i haven't had time to unpack yet. i am not, by any means, complaining. i have not felt sad today, i think that was because i am too tired to focus on feeling or i may have successfully started to reprogram my mind and my heart, the former is probably more accurate. i open tomorrow, it's a half day (yeahhh) and then i am going to the movies. it will be a change of scenery and a break in a routine, nobody will understand what i really mean by this and again, i'll quickly forget too. i cannot think straight but i am aware of the fact that my camera is harboring far too many pictures of the skies via an airplane window right now and i am too lazy to post them. another day. i have no patience for resizing, cropping, brightening, uploading, etc. eh.
pushing daisies on tivo is calling me. i have yet to get through the entire episode successfully, damn it.
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| layers and sugar and milo, oh my. |
[06 Nov 2007|02:14pm] |
/end "aw" worthy pictures and fun time, i am more a mess than ever. guilt is gonna wreck my already weak insides but i refuse to open my mouth, it does more harm than good. i need to toughen up and let go of things, and break these cycles i find myself falling into way too often. fixing something htat is not particularly broken is much harder than starting from scratch. i don't know what to do anymore so i'll work and continue distracting myself, even though it makes me feel less human.
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