lauren

invertabrat @ 2008-02-06T12:12:00

2008-02-06T17:23:52Z

i am a chronic texter. a chronic texter that overly analyzes most everything and i've come to the conclusion that i chronically text, even in the company of friends or people, because i feel mostly alone if the situation is 'chill' and sometimes a wireless connection is far more engaging and distracting from my own thoughts. i am completely uncomfortable in my own skin a lot of the time and boredom leads to thinking and although i've become an incredibly logical person as far as working things out goes, i still cannot find the exact problem, much less the solution to it and a non-biased third party perspective is much needed. friends can be too nice and tell you what you want to hear, this is not necessarily the truth. i want the truth.

invertabrat @ 2008-02-02T23:47:00

2008-02-03T04:46:53Z

i was going to do a survey but realized my answer to one of the questions would be completely obvious even though i think my top eight is invisible. nonetheless, three of out the eight are friends (two of which are females) and the rest are family so... obvious answer makes answering said question less fun.

all rants and ramblings aside, i've come to the sad conclusion that i will never ever be entirely happy or content and that nobody will ever completely understand me. i haven't settled how i feel with this, i am tired enough for it to make me cry but i think instead i will watch a pelicula and crash.

j.p.p. is a weirdo

2008-01-18T05:20:24Z

most memorable quote of the week even though, technically, i did not remember it because i read it in my sleep: fuck that, i'm a cuddling machine

no work on friday, suh-weet.

2008-01-11T04:14:22Z

i am very aware of even the less obvious faults i have and on daily basis attempt to fix said flaws and to change a lot of things about myself, the way i think or the way i do things or whatever it may be and though i am aware of a lot, i do not understand and cannot figure out why i think a certain way or why on some days i am doomed to feel a certain way or why i want the attention of somebody i will (probably) never reciprocate in the same way and hearing phrases said in the past tense makes me a little bit sad though months ago it did the opposite and made me infuriated. i am fucked up, for sure, and i know this. any advice to fix this is totally welcomed.

i am going to see big bad jaws tomorrow and some other fun creatures with somebody, who as of late, hasn't really been my friend and vice versa. it will be an interesting day to say the least, hopefully all good! i don't doubt it will be. the only downer thus far is i cannot find a backpack. i own a million things but after high school, for some reason all backpacks disappeared.

i'm a big kid now.

2008-01-09T05:21:09Z

by summer, i hope to be moved out into my own apartment with 2 roommates. now i will obsessively plan every detail and figure out what i need to buy and how much i need to save for this to happen. no drunken parties at my place though, milo is likely to rip some lush's arm off with his teeth.

invertabrat @ 2008-01-07T22:10:00

2008-01-08T03:13:07Z

i am exhausted far too often and in turn, it makes me overly emotional. the slightest thing can make me feel awful and i have a tendency to cry over things i otherwise wouldn't. tonight might be one of those nights.

peace out 2007, one year i want a real new year's kiss.

2008-01-01T23:05:11Z

status: lauren "rung in the new year slightly tipsy".

it's only a day into 2008 and so far this is my favorite picture. the fact that my cupcake eating technique was scrutinized is laughable, otherwise i would not have ended up with a hot pink tongue. there's are a lot of attractive pictures from last night and i use the word attractive LOOSELY because alcohol even in small portions does something to your face or at least my own and almost instantly do i become sleepy. i think it's safe to say i am a total lightweight but the taste of liquor isn't that appealing anyway. so, i am stoked to make this year much better than the last. some days are stressful and tiring and altogether draining of my emotions but i am determined to stick to the seven resolutions i made two days ago, that's i can remember them all. and it's strange to say, i mean this in the least slutty way possible: it's nice to wake up in somebody else's bed.

pictures cross posted to myspace and facebook from last night's "party". i photoshopped my red eye that is impossible to prevent even with super red eye reduction camera flash. hahaha

ps. i am getting tattooed this week! probably!

you're an idiot, just fyi.

2007-12-30T05:34:38Z

i am hoping all of the kind things i did in 2007 will rack up good karma for 2008. i didn't really do it for the selfish reason that it could better my future as far as luck and karma and all of that go but because i'm just a really nice person (most of the time.) i am thinking my new year's resolution should be to toughen up my skin, metaphorically of course. i'm too fragile for my own good sometimes. i do too much for people that don't particularly deserve it and that will most likely be my downfall.

killin time...

2007-12-18T04:53:49Z

200. My middle name is:
nicole

199. I was born in:
altamonte springs, florida

198. I am really:
gonna be dead tired tomorrow

196. My eye color is:
blue, green if ive been crying or gray if im sick

194. My ring size is:
7

192. I am allergic to:
chapstick, bananas, latex ADHESIVE. probably other random things.

191. I was born on:
june 6 1987, 1:30 am i think

190. I am annoyed by:
florida

189. Last book you read?
this book will change your life

188. My bed is:
platform and finally set up!

187: One thing you hate about yourself:
how much i let people's actions affect my moods

179. My favorite Holiday is?
christmas, you get to see relatives.

178. The perfect kiss is?
genuine

177. The last three cd's I bought were:
carrie underwood, for my sister. the other two i can't remember.

175. Are you living at home?:
yes

174. Do you have any siblings?:
three

173. Are your parents divorced?:
yes

174. What did you do yesterday?
work

:::I Do (YES)/Do Not (NO) Believe In:::

142. Love at first sight?:
no

141. Luck?:
no

140. Fate?:
maybe

139. Yourself?:
working on it

138. Aliens?:
no

137. Heaven?:
maybe

136. Hell?
no

135. Ghosts?
yes

134. Horoscopes?
no

133. Soulmates?
i wish

:::Which is Better?:::

129. Hugs or Kisses?
they are equally as awesome

128. Drunk or High?
neither. L A M E

127. Phone or Online?
phone

126. Red heads or Black hair?
black hair

125. Blondes or Brunettes?:
i don't care

124. Hot or cold?
you can always put on layers but i like the heat

123. Summer or winter?
summer

121. Chocolate or vanilla?
choco unless it's ice cream, i am down for vanilla

120. Night or Day?
i'm kind of a night owl but i get up early these days

119. Oranges or Apples?
apples

118. Curly or Straight hair:?
straight

:::Here's What I Think About:::

116. Abortion :
subjective.

115. Backstabbers:
are gonna get punched

114. Parents:
we've been getting along lately, i'm less angry

:::Last time I:::

103. Hugged someone:
today, my sister

102. Kissed Someone:
sunday

101. Saw someone:
which someone?!

100. Cried in front of someone?
a couple weeks ago

90. Who is the ditsiest person you know:
good question

89. Who makes you laugh the most?
cristy

87. The last movie I saw?
i watched sleepy hollow earlier.

82. What I don't understand is:
life, the universe, and everything.

80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received is
excuses, COP OUT replies

76. Something I will really miss when I leave home is:
i probably won't go far enough to miss anything

75. The thing that I'm looking forward to the most:
day at disney! getting tattooed.

74. The thing that I'm not looking forward to is:
opening early tomorrow morning

73. Tomorrow:
i have to wake up at 6am :(

72. Today:
i hung out with my brother for the first time in forever and spent money.

71. Next Summer:
i turn 21 and i want to go sky diving.

70. This Weekend:
almost the weekend, i am going to see i am legend and eat fried macncheese

67. People call me:
lz, laur, low, baby.

62. The person who knows the most about me is:
erika probably.

60. The most difficult thing to do is:
fix dented things.

59. I have gotten a speeding ticket:
never

55. The first person I talked to today was:
my mother in my sleep

54. First time you had a crush
kindergarten.

52. Last time someone said something you were thinking?
yesterday

51. Right now I am talking to:
nobody.

50. What is your dream job?
photographer, journalist, designer, model, entrepreneur

49. First real job?
was at forever 21

47. I have these pets:
MILO and freddie mercury III

46. I wish:
wishing on 11:11 worked

45. The worst sound in the world is:
ghetto speech, nails on a chalkboard, hangers sliding against metal.

44. The person that makes me cry the most:
everybody is equal with that, i think

43. Best sound in the world:
laughter

39. Person[s] that makes you happy:
there's a couple handfuls of them

38. Cats or dogs?
dogs. but i have a cat and love him just as much!

35 Myspace or Facebook:
i have both. facebook is kind of lame though.

34. Mexican food or Chinese?
neither.

33. My favorite piece of clothing?
all of my skinny jeans. my new grey hoodie with big buttons.

32. My favorite color(s):
green, turquoise

31. Last time I cried:
REPEAT

30. My friends are:
the bomb most of the time

29. My computer is:
a hybrid.

27. Last person I got mad at:
no comment

26. Person you secretly crush?
not going there

25. Favorite place:

24. Favorite Song:
art is hard - cursive

23. Paper or plastic?
who cares

22. The all-time best movie(s)?
fight club

21. The all-time best feeling in the world is:
being content/happy.

20. Favorite scent:
exotic coconut!

19. What color is your hairbrush:
blue

18. Favorite shoes:
flats. any flats. i love my skull and heart slip ons too.

17. I lose all respect for people who:
slutty backstabbing liars fakers.

15. Color of your room?
blue here. green at my dads.

14. TV channels you watch:
a couple, ive got some shows.

12. BEST FEATURE(S):
my eyes. maybe my lips. my heart.

14. Worse Habit:
peeling my nails and my nail polish.

11. The worst pain I was ever in was:
the week before my gastroscope. every month the first day of my period (TMI, so what)

10. Best Memory:

9. Favorite TV Show:
currently: pushing daisies

8. My favorite celebrity is:
currently: the actor that plays ned.

7. Favorite Stuffed Animal:
i don't have any anymore.

6. Greatest Fear:
drowning by somebody's hand. drowning in general.

5. My weakness is:
impulse control lacking when it comes to shopping

4. What I like about the opposite sex is:

3. Who broke your heart?
nobody.

2. What piercings do/did you have?
3 in my left ear, 4 in my right ear. right side of my lip.

1. One person that you wish you could see right now:
erika marie!

it's florida and it's freezing.

2007-12-18T04:18:19Z

i know i am growing up when the exciting thing about christmas time becomes shopping for gifts for others. i am unbelievably stoked for the unwrapping and intrigued by the fact presents from my parents are "creative" since they did not get a legit list. even though, i totally made one to appease my father. there is always something i want but i have to come to realize i really do not need it. the only thing i really need to work on in that category is to slow down when it comes to shopping because i have no impulse control and can spend too long in one store which is fatal to my bank account/credit card. i keep going unless there is someone with me to tell me to stop.

there are a handful of things i am stoked for beyond christmas. trip to disney with my girls, maybe visiting colorado, getting inked, maybe getting inked with my baby brother, keeping a legit new years resolution. workin on my fitness! for real, because i am uncomfortable in my own skin and there's no bad thing about toning down. i am not that big. and secondly, watching JDMA makes me want to model. i want to do a lot of things, i might as well just entitle it "TAKE OVER THE WORLD". it's almost midnight and 6am will come quick. drinking rockstar all day was not a good idea.

extended mall hrs are gonna murder me slowly

2007-12-17T05:01:35Z

lovin
hatin
we all make mistakes and we're all going down

bullseye.

2007-11-27T17:29:33Z

dallas, possibly.

alabama

and in random order, the skies/snow.

hale center, tx

i look like a skeleton when i smile with my teeth.

2007-11-26T01:10:18Z

four days ago i bought seventeen magazine to dull some senses on my 5 hour flight to texas and found wet seal jewelry sporadically placed through it's pages. i even had chocomilk with "seal" in the brand. i thought it was a strange coincidence that i can never really get away from work. and my whole outfits from top to bottom, inside and out seemingly only consist of ws wear now. it's good to be home!i hate florida but i am happy to be home.

today was strange. i crushed my finger at work but that's nothing new, i collect cuts and bruises on a daily basis and half of the time i don't remember injuring myself in the first place. life happens. my throat has been sore all day, my gums are swollen and milo tried to eat an unused tampon. he is all up in my luggage which i haven't had time to unpack yet. i am not, by any means, complaining. i have not felt sad today, i think that was because i am too tired to focus on feeling or i may have successfully started to reprogram my mind and my heart, the former is probably more accurate. i open tomorrow, it's a half day (yeahhh) and then i am going to the movies. it will be a change of scenery and a break in a routine, nobody will understand what i really mean by this and again, i'll quickly forget too. i cannot think straight but i am aware of the fact that my camera is harboring far too many pictures of the skies via an airplane window right now and i am too lazy to post them. another day. i have no patience for resizing, cropping, brightening, uploading, etc. eh.

pushing daisies on tivo is calling me. i have yet to get through the entire episode successfully, damn it.

how do you feel about cupcakes or are you a muffin man?

2007-11-13T23:21:11Z

i think after the fifth cupcake i'm gonna be like FUCK THIS.

layers and sugar and milo, oh my.

2007-11-06T19:25:51Z

new dress, new boots. i am ready for florida's version of winter.

/end "aw" worthy pictures and fun time, i am more a mess than ever. guilt is gonna wreck my already weak insides but i refuse to open my mouth, it does more harm than good. i need to toughen up and let go of things, and break these cycles i find myself falling into way too often. fixing something htat is not particularly broken is much harder than starting from scratch. i don't know what to do anymore so i'll work and continue distracting myself, even though it makes me feel less human.

i fall asleep with strange objects in my hands

2007-09-20T12:15:19Z

girl: how's your head
boy: it's okay, it's not normal though
girl: it's never going to be

sometimes you mean the things you say when you're "high"

2007-07-19T14:28:02Z

my feet feel like anchors